it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize