He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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