Well apparently he's into motor boating.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
