I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
