im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
