I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
