what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize