I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
