Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize