one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
