the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
