He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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