The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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