Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
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