Cold hands, warm shart.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
