I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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