he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
