wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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