So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
