Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
the day after is always just damage control
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
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