the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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