things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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