WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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