Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
