Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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