guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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