Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
