Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
You're completely useless in the revolution.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Randomize
