We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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