i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
