I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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