FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
It's blow job season.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize