we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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