Moan for me like Helen Keller
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize