yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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