You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize