Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
