I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
