you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
