I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
