I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
