I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
