if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Ketchup is God's man juice
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you didnt know i had herpes?
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
