Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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