Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
from now on my penis is your penis
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
