I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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