dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Randomize
