so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
