I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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