I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You're a waste of cheezeits
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
