you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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