I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize