How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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