Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
