Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
