Just fell off a train. Bad.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
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