party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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