Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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