dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
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