I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
