I got chris browned last night
that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
