anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
