Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
