Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
