If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
