is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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