Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Dignity is for republicans.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
