There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize