No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
