I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
