i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
