Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
