I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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