i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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