I can tuck mytits in my pants
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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