this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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