Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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