I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
