woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Randomize