i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize