It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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