If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
This is the high leading the old right now
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
