Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
