Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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