I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize