she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
