I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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