I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
