My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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